In a world where kindness and empathy can sometimes seem scarce, it’s essential to remind ourselves of the enduring value of being a friend rather than a foe. “Be the Buddy, Not the Bully” is a simple yet powerful mantra that encourages us to choose compassion over cruelty, empathy over indifference, and friendship over hostility.

People who aren’t comfortable in their own skin usually can’t stand to be around people who are. If you’re of a different race, sexual orientation, or religion, they may choose to bully you simply because of these qualities. They may also target you because certain prejudices have been passed down through their family.

Although bullying is sometimes seen as “a part of growing up” or “kids being kids,” imagine the kid who is picked on every day, whether physically, socially, or through cyber-bullying. Bullying in schools often occurs in unstructured school settings, such as the playground area during recess.

Bullying is a prevalent form of youth violence, particularly in school settings. It is defined as aggressive behavior (i.e., behavior that is intentional and mean) that occurs repeatedly over time and within the context of a power imbalance. 

From interactionist and social-ecological perspectives, bullying is understood as a social phenomenon that is established and perpetuated over time as a result of the complex interplay between various factors such as individual, family, peer and school factors.

Hostile aggression is also called emotional or impulsive aggression. A fight with a classmate who said something insulting resulting in cuts and bruises. In this example, the insult resulted in a fight, cuts, and bruises. The emotion triggered by the insult is the motive of the aggression.

Although both are harmful to youth, there is an important distinction between bullying and aggression — if there is an occasional conflict or fighting between two children of equal strength, size, and social status, this is aggression, but not bullying.

Bullying can result in physical injury, social and emotional distress, self-harm, and even death. It also increases the risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.

Passive bullying is not overt and can often be overlooked as a result. It can include subtle things such as offhand negative remarks or jokes; undermining colleagues through the quiet spread of misinformation; sabotaging a colleague’s work by withholding information; or deliberately socially excluding people.

Most school-aged children are exposed to bullying in some form due to the unequal balance of power and influence that is so common in youth relationships and peer groups. Research shows that bullying and harassment in schools increases in late childhood and peaks in early adolescence, specifically during middle school and typically takes place in unstructured settings such as the cafeteria, hallways, and playground during recess.

Students need school to be a positive climate where they feel safe. This reduces their own stress and potential aggression, allowing them to focus on the learning necessary for them to be successful in their lives.

Fortunately, there are actions that students and school staff can take to prevent bullying and harassment in schools and to create a more positive school climate. The culture of school violence cannot be impacted by only working with bullies and victims alone. It takes consistent and united action by everyone — students, school staff, administrators, and parents. 

Anti-bullying legislation is also in place which is the form of a legislation enacted to help reduce and eliminate bullying. This legislation may be national or sub-national and is commonly aimed at ending bullying in schools or workplaces.

Understanding Bullying

Bullying, whether in schools, workplaces, or online, can have devastating effects on individuals and communities. It perpetuates fear, insecurity, and division, creating a toxic environment where people feel unsafe and isolated. While bullies often target their victims for various reasons, the root of their behavior often lies in unresolved issues, insecurity, or a lack of empathy.

The Buddy Approach

Being the “buddy” means embodying qualities such as kindness, compassion, and empathy in our interactions with others. It means reaching out to support those who may be struggling, lending a listening ear, and offering a helping hand. When we choose to be the buddy, we create an atmosphere of trust, inclusion, and support.

Why Be the Buddy?

1. Builds Positive Relationships: Being a buddy fosters positive relationships with those around us. When we treat others with kindness and respect, we are more likely to receive the same treatment in return.
2. Fosters Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. By practicing empathy, we not only help others but also grow as individuals, becoming more attuned to the emotions and needs of those around us.
3. Promotes a Positive Environment: A workplace or community where people choose to be buddies is a place where individuals feel safe, valued, and motivated. It’s an environment that encourages creativity, collaboration, and personal growth.
4. Contributes to Personal Well-being: Acts of kindness and empathy are not only beneficial to others but also to ourselves. They can boost our mood, reduce stress, and enhance our overall sense of well-being.

How to Be the Buddy

1. Listen Actively: Take the time to listen to others without judgment. Sometimes, all someone needs is someone to talk to.
2. Offer Support: Reach out to those who may be struggling or in need of assistance. Your support can make a significant difference in their lives.
3. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in others’ shoes to better understand their perspectives and feelings.
4. Stand Up Against Bullying: Don’t be a passive bystander if you witness bullying. Take a stand and support the victim.
5. Lead by Example: Be a role model for kindness and empathy. Your actions can inspire others to follow suit.
6. Cultivate Self-awareness: Reflect on your own actions and behaviors to ensure you are consistently choosing to be the buddy.

Golden Principles

To deal with the bullying situation following are the five golden principles to be followed to stop the cycle:

1. Tell a parent or guardian about the bullying. If you are being bullied, it’s very important to tell an adult first and foremost.
2. Tell your parents the entire story. Parents are here to help and want to know what is going on with you. Your parents, moreover, may then be able to get in touch with staff at the school in order to try to stop the bullying. This is important particularly if you don’t feel comfortable telling your teacher or fear retribution from the bully.
3. It’s useful if you keep a diary of everything that happens. That way you can let your parents and other adults know about specific incidents.
4. Report bullying and victimization incidents to the school. Inform teachers, principals, and other school helpers.These individuals have the power to intervene and help stop bullying. Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they’re afraid they’ll get in trouble.
5. Teachers are especially important resources if you’re being bullied. They can provide protection from bullying by letting you stay in the classroom during recess or by setting up a buddy system on your behalf.
6. It’s important to let your school know about any bullying incidents because there may be other kids being bullied by the same person.
7. Talk openly about bullying. Just talking to someone about your experience can bring you a bit of relief. Good people to talk to include a guidance counselor, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful solutions, but should not be approached in lieu of telling your parents or school personnel. Just talking about what you’re experiencing and feeling can help you feel less alone.
8. Some children have reported real success from peer counseling programs at their schools.
9. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Telling an adult is not tattling. Bullying is not a small or trivial matter; it is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or witnesses someone else being bullied speaks up.
10. Remember that you cannot tackle bullying by yourself. No one can, not even adults. Getting help is the right thing to do when dealing with abuse, bullying, harassment, or assault.
11. The role of the bystander is critical in preventing bullying. Research shows that bullying typically involves a group dynamic, where others urge on the instigator or simply witness what is occurring. Passive bystanders enable bullying to continue even though they’re not directly involved.

Apply the 5 D’s strategy to deal with the bullying situation. If you, your classmate or an unknown fellow from the school is facing bullying, follow the strategy to overcome issues.

• Direct. Directly intervene in a situation.
• Delegate. Get help from someone else.
• Delay. After the incident is over, check in with the person who was harmed.
• Distract. Take an indirect approach to de-escalate the situation.
• Document. Note down important clues to remember the situation id required to be stated at a later stage.

Conclusion

In a world that can sometimes feel divided and unkind, choosing to be the buddy is a powerful and transformative choice. It’s a choice that can create a ripple effect of positivity, empathy, and compassion in our communities and beyond. By being the buddy, we contribute to a world where people feel safe, supported, and valued, ultimately making the world a better place for everyone. So, remember, the next time you have a choice, choose to be the buddy, not the bully.